Forecasting the Future of Furry
by Patch O'Furr
Reddit’s r/furry community was asked about the fandom’s future over the next 5-10 years. Visions appeared, and I slipped into a trance. (Wait… that was just my usual unhealthy internet habit). Here’s what the future holds.
- 5 years: Furry demand causes Hollywood to stop putting so many grown-up jokes in kid’s animated movies. Now they release kid’s versions, adult versions, and extra-adult versions of the same movie.
- 6 years: Fursuit hugs are proven to cure cancer. Big Pharma tries to market a Fur Pill, but side effects make people scoot their butts on the carpet.
- 7 years: Fursuit patterns are so blown out with epilepsy-triggering colors, that it becomes felony Sparkle Terrorism to own one.
- 8 years: Hackers, pirates, bitcoiners, and furries form the First People’s Republic of the Internet. Ren-festers, steampunks, and goths are offered asylum. Juggalos are rejected when a Faygo disaster turns the Clown Consulate into a sticky mess, and it glue-traps any furry who goes in.
- 9 years: The first exhibit at The Museum of Furry is Uncle Kage’s liver.
- 10 years: Furry-Americans get a constitutional amendment for Serval rights. Next: a fursuit campaign for the White House.
- Every year: amazing breakthroughs in dong sculpting technology.
Cross my paw with silver to make this stop. (I’ll spend it on hosting fees and crystal ball polishing.)