What’s Yiffin’? – April 2017 edition of syndicated furry news.
by Louis Kohn
Greetings, Dogpatch Press readers. We hope you’ve been enjoying the run of What’s Yiffin’? on this website; it’s time for April’s edition! One thing you’ll realize over the course of watching our show is sometimes events happen so close to production time that we can’t include them in the show and they are delegated to next month’s release. The firestorm surrounding RMFC is an example of one such event. Literally a day or two after we wrapped up this episode that whole mess happened, sort of like how the story about 2 Gryphon was pushed back to this month for the same reason. Speaking of 2, here’s the news that’s fit to print!
More details and some additional insight from the show’s writers:
Furry Hall of Fame (yes, it’s apparently a thing) inductee “2 The Ranting Gryphon” was recently let go by Anthrocon’s board of directors, ending a near two decade run of stand-up comedy shows starting as far back as 2002. Uncle Kage, a personal friend of 2, voted against removing him from the entertainment lineup. However this did not seem to shift the tables in 2’s favor, as the majority still spoke and the majority said “get out”. It’s important to note that 2 has not been banned from the convention. He just doesn’t have any stage time for a show this year.
2’s style of humor has often been compared to that of George Carlin, due to it’s vulgar yet socially poignant nature. When word got out that he was dismissed, he blamed the fandom’s shift in taste on “SJW’s” (Social Justice Warriors, far-left liberals who are strongly in favor of political correctness and racial/class issues). There was also a stray Twitter account involved named “@0ffensiveFacts” that had been dead for a year and previously had some interesting things to say about Jewish people. Naturally, these kinds of accusations result in drawing attention to the content in question. People began to scrutinize 2’s material to try and see why this paragon of the fandom was kicked out of said fandom’s largest convention.
“What is sexual molestation? The physical nature of it is obvious, but what what does it represent emotionally to the victim? A loss of control. Helplessness. Perhaps some pain. Being forced to do something you don’t want to. Shame and embarrassment. These are all unpleasant things. But they’re also unpleasant things that most people experience nearly every day from their bosses or co-workers at their jobs or from teachers and other students at school.”
The preceding quote comes from a rant blog post on 2’s website from 2012. This isn’t “edgy” humor. This isn’t even humor at all. What this is, is someone who’s never been through the trauma of molestation, before thinking he can be an edgelord about it and look “cool” by telling people to just walk it off. 2, I don’t know how much money you make doing stand-up, so I don’t know if you’ve ever held a job before, but when someone comes home and goes “man the boss really screwed us today”… the boss didn’t literally screw anyone.
2’s response to this criticism was to double-down on his fame, and say when this all blows over he’ll still have 25,000 people watching his videos. (Referring to the number of subscribers on his YouTube channel). That’s not how it works, 2. You have 25,000 subscribers, but most of your content gets about 400 views on average. To put this into perspective this dumb fake news show will average about 200 and the up and coming Gatorbox channel only has 1,000 followers. Your comedy career is fishtailing in a very dangerous manner, 2, and as entertainers ourselves we can only caution you about the next steps you take because — in regards to your career — they very well might be your last ones. Show some humility.
STILL CAN’T ENJOY HER SANDWICH
Nick Robinson, better known as “the guy from Polygon’s Car Boys who isn’t Griffin McElroy”, is an Internet comedian and videographer. The aforementioned Car Boys is arguably his most popular work, but he works on other projects for Polygon as well. Nick is not a furry, but he’s certainly aware of our culture and its memes. Toward the end of last month he tweeted out a joke about how everyone masturbated to Krystal from Star Fox Adventures “and anyone who acts like they didn’t … is lying to you”. Simple enough. Not the funniest thing we heard that month, but still a solid 5/10 performance from a guy whose usual schtick is commentating a game where he drives a school bus into a spinning hammer.
This tweet would be unmentionable, had it not been for the fact that it attracted — of all people — Feminist Frequency, who were quick to shame Nick and everyone else for participating in this. “Nobody in our office feels that way about Krystal,” the tweet chain began. What, did Anita Sarkeesian herself go around personally asking everyone in the Frequency offices if they jerked off to a cartoon fox from some awful early 00’s video game, or something? Their message to Nick (and presumably everyone else) continued: “she’s literally trapped in a crystal. Finding a female character who is damseled and stripped of her agency arousing is kinda gross. Attitudes like this are indicative of just how male-dominated gaming culture remains.”
Good lord, all this hub-bub over a groaner of a joke. Congratulations, you’ve now propelled Nick and his joke into the spotlight, while shining another that serves to show the world how ridiculous you are that you can’t understand humor. Was the joke sexist? Of course it was, but we don’t see any contrary publications getting into people’s faces for saying gross things about that Guzma character from the latest Pokémon game. Fantastic double standard there. Also, nowhere in Nick’s tweet did he mention anything about getting off on the fact that she’s “in bondage”. We don’t even think her damsel status crosses the minds of the weirdos who obsess over her. We’re 100% certain the only thing they’re focused on is right there on Krystal’s chest.
Everyone has jerked off to Krystal at least once in their lives. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to you.
SOME DAYS YOU’RE THE DOG
Every year Bad Dragon releases a joke product on April Fool’s Day that’s available for only 24 hours. This year they continued the tradition by releasing a massive 10 inch silicone fire hydrant. The hydrant, 11 inches around at its widest point, was offered in bright red or safety yellow and ran you a cool $100 (plus shipping). Previous years’ toys have included silicone crowbars (“The Freeman”), shot glasses, bowling pins, flashlights… and a human penis billed as “The Ultimate Pleasure”. The What’s Yiffin’? staff (all two of us) agree that “The Ultimate Pleasure” was their funniest one.
Anyways, a hundred bucks in the year of Our Lord 2017 landed you one rubbery fire hydrant, plus matching collectible “Teeny Weeny” and plastic keychain hydrants. The hydrant also came with a free liquid tube upgrade. You know, for shooting water out of it… because it’s a fire hydrant. Get it? Bad Dragon’s sale and store page for the hydrant include the disclaimer that these “toys” are for “novelty purposes only”. But you know people are going to disregard that (LINK IS NSFW).
If you missed out on nabbing yourself one of the hydrants, then you’re out of luck. You’ll have to turn to the secondhand Bad Dragon collectors’ market and pay an inflated collectors’ price. We don’t actually know if there’s a secondhand market for Bad Dragon toys, but none of us are willing to put that term in our search history, especially with congress apparently getting ready to sell that information to anyone with deep enough pockets. No thanks.
WORLD’S CHILLEST MANAGER
2017’s Texas Furry Fiesta took place at the end of last month. The good news is nobody crapped in a place they weren’t supposed to, and nobody blacked out from drug use or had the cops called on them, so all in all it was a good convention. Good by 2017 standards, at least. Furry conventions that take place at hotels are always full of strange people, but often times we forget about the everyman in these situations – people who just so happen to be staying at the same hotel at the same time either for business or personal leisure purposes. Nicola Craig, one such normie, was a guest at the Intercontinental Dallas hotel during the weekend of Furry Fiesta. She left some choice words for the management in a review posted to TripAdvisor.
“Paid $330 a night and it sucked, this place was dirty and had a furry convention on with no warning to other guests. manager is an [sic] BAD. I do not recommend. Also they are on priceline for 89 a night. Wouldn’t even bother. Manager should be fired”
Naturally, she left all one-star reviews for every available amenity category. So, two things. One, hotels don’t usually “warn” people about conventions. If you’re this concerned over sharing a hotel with a convention, most venues have schedules posted on their official websites. If they don’t, you could always call them and ask. Two, you probably should’ve booked on Priceline you idiot. Speaking of calling people, this entitled winner was so displeased with her experience that she apparently did call the hotel at some point and demanded to speak to a manager, because that manager, Stefan Huber, responded to her TripAdvisor review. He reminded Nicola who’s court she was playing on:
“I have to admit that I am offended by this review for several reasons. I don’t understand how you, particularly as a travel agent, can feel right about insisting on certain guests being better than others … you are harming our reputation simply because I would not compensate you for your guests’ expectations to be surrounded by “like” individuals.”
We can feel the heat coming off that burn all the way from where we are. The 13th Amendment made it illegal to own people like that. We’d kill to know how blasted Nicola became upon reading Mr. Huber’s response, but sadly this is where the paper trail ends. We may never know. One thing we do know, however, is that next year Nicola and her “like individuals” won’t be there ruining the fun for everyone at Furry Fiesta 2018; they’ll be staying a Motel 6 or something instead.
And that’s what April has to offer! We sincerely hope you enjoyed this installment of What’s Yiffin’?, and if you did please consider giving us a subscription on YouTube and a follow on Twitch. What’s Yiffin’? is broadcast as a part of the show Gatorbox, which is live every Friday night at 9PM (US Central). What’s Yiffin’? is performed on the first Friday of every month. Take care, and we hope everyone has a fantastic Easter weekend!
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