Dogpatch Press

Beware of costumed bandits.

I’d like to see a lurid midnight movie that crosses a criminal heist plot with a furry convention.  The bandits use fursuits to go under cover.  But their plans get messed up when they become accidental popufurs.

There would be unexpected coming-outs, geek tests and rave drugs, awkward costume switches, and a gauntlet of hugs and dance comps.

Is that an SPH, or is that how you keep a gun in a fursuit?  Who switched the bulletproof vest with the EZ-cooldown? Is that an undercover cop, or just an extremely amorous admirer?  What happened to the gold and why is the briefcase full of Bad Dragon toys?  There might be reluctant yiffing to avoid blowing their cover.

What would you put in the movie?

It would be key to have good research and references.  The lives of the criminal protagonists (who stand in for the normal viewer) should be more unhinged than their absurd surroundings.  It should laugh with us, not at us, and ask “what is normal?” That could avoid the heap of cheap parody attempts that aren’t funny, because they just look down on people.

Not that there’s anything wrong with good trash.

Good trash often has artfully twisted titles.  One awesome no-budget moviemaker I know is calling his movie “Death Hearse on Satan’s Titty Highway”. That’s a string of magical power words.  It’s been in the works for years, but I already think the world is a better place because that title exists.

I’ll toss out “Take The Bunny and Run”.  What would you call it?  What else would you put in the story?

artist

All of these make inspiration…

• Furry Force, my pick for good “fursploitation”.
• The “Furry Film Festival” idea.
• The chlorine attack at Midwest Furfest and national news stories about furries that followed.
• FBI investigation of threats to furry cons.
• A rumor I heard about a federal building beefing up security because there was a furry con across the street.
• This bear suit bank robbery.
• This Santa Claus bank robbery and the movie Bad Santa.
• The Teddy Bear bandit and “Bad Furries: FBI Seeks Help Locating the ‘Teddy Bear Bandit'”.
• This clever bank robber. He used a job ad for construction workers to put decoys on the scene, and escaped down a river in a getaway inner tube. (A furry heist could use a decoy ad on Pounced.)
• Saints Row 3 Furry mayhem.
• Woody Allen’s Small Time Crooks.  They plan a robbery and open a bakery to cover it, but their cookies get unexpectedly popular.

Furry secret identities.

A “furry gang” is a silly idea.  But it’s already a subculture, and there are secret ways for insiders.  When Furry friends talk in code among regular people, I call it “Furry fight club” (except it’s for hugs not fights.)

The difference is, anyone can be an insider if they want.  It’s a famously warm and welcoming group.  It has small dramas and scandals like communities everywhere, but it’s hard to send someone to the doghouse for being bad.  They’re already in it.

Being close knit helps to keep people getting along.  Even when they have unresolvable differences (like yes or no to yiff?) people don’t bring their claws out until outsiders get nosy. That’s when furries become protective.

Outsiders don’t know it, but everyone keeps secret identities.  That’s what makes the idea fun.