CUTE FURRY BUTTS WANTED for a hard hitting report on the fandom’s best assets.
by Patch O'Furr
2017 sucks. The news is like a dumpster fire. The best escape is the gentle, fun-loving furry fandom. But even here, meanies are coming to ruin things. So how do we make it better? I have the answer. Something to neutralize negativity and bring back what’s important. Something made of pure happiness and smiles. Something I can always get behind. Cans. Behinds. Butts.
Cute and colorful butts. Plush, squeezable butts. Fluffy butts with perky tails. Butts to inspect close up and say hello to. Butts to tickle and cuddle and use for a pillow. Butts I want to save on my phone for later. Naughty butts to grind on while dancing. Swaggy, waggy butts. Butts shoved in my face four at a time until they make stars in my eyes. Shiny prize winning butts. The best kind ever invented, with the fanciest of fantasy art and fursuits.
NEWS UPDATE – That’s My Fetish (thanks to Hulex)
BUTT CONTEST WITH PRIZES!
Forget what’s bringing you down. Let Dogpatch Press take you to a better world. A world at your fingertips (as long as there is consent!)
I WANT YOUR HELP to feature the forefront of behinds. Together we can highlight the haut monde of haunches. Harvesting heinies is better for two than one (just like playing with them in your paws.) Let’s unite like two cheeks on the same butt.
Please send your favorite furry butt pics, plus a front/face pic to firstname.lastname@example.org or @dogpatchpress by May 30. Art or photos are OK. Butts may be pre-screened for selection – sorry if yours doesn’t make it due to amount in the fandom. There’s so many great ones!
Butts by Boiler. If you’re even 10% as much of a furvert as I am, you should immediately find her on FA and get a $40 UNCENSORED poster.
Your ass-istance will be rewarded with a headline and a nice spread in the article. Readers can vote for their favorites. The top three will get prizes for their service to fandom. Thank you for the inspiration you give by being the tops in bottoms.
Prizes go to submitters (send your own butt or someone else’s, just make sure it’s OK with them). Ask friends to vote! Two runners up will get prizes of candy and coffee. The first place gets a hardcover art book. Just to celebrate butts, I’m giving out this:
- Top’s Lapsy candy, a tangy treat made from Nepalese hog plums to remind you of the exotic mystery of bottoms.
- Premium quality coffee beans from Blue Bottle in San Francisco, to put a perk in your cheeks.
- The art book has animal drawing from a Disney artist to inspire you from head to tail.
Furry butt and front/face pic (art or photos) will be accepted to email@example.com or @dogpatchpress between now and May 30, for publication and voting shortly after. (Please hide naughty bits on NSFW pics.)
FOR ETHICAL BUTT JOUNRALISM – My own is disqualified so others can have a chance.
@DogpatchPress Don't even be playing like there is a more squeezable butt than mine pic.twitter.com/Kh39hdJDgl— DirtCoyote (@DirtCoyote) May 20, 2017
FOR MORE BUTT COVERAGE: please consider supporting Dogpatch Press on Patreon. $1 gets exclusive stuff and helps make wags. If two new patrons sign up, I’ll do more contests that can lead to a science discovery of the best butt of all butts in fandom. Please share for butt science!
@DogpatchPress What about SCALIE butts?! Here's my pic of Komos (one half of #KomosandGoldie super-duo) aka @JoeStrike, superb #fursuit by @Artslavefursuit pic.twitter.com/zD4pIlX279— Oliver ('Goldie') (@OliverGoldie1) May 21, 2017
RT @QuarksCoolf It’s official, we have an ass off. Who has the nicest butt? pic.twitter.com/b6HRkESgH0— brunch ghoul 🔥)°( (@chazzzles) April 16, 2014
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen – the exact moment I unsubscribed from this perplexing feed.
Obviously not a real furry 😉 hopefully the 20 new followers on twitter don’t expect such a post every day.
I literally have no butt, so that’s an issue.
I think Fuzzy Roo has the most famous butt of all the roos though
I might have to research that. Also, having a pouch could be a nifty bonus 🙂