A furry’s guide to encounters with fleshies

by Patch O'Furr

Fleshies are everywhere. They’re sneaky yet prolific primates who trim their fur, mask their scents, and cover their body parts to hide the weird things they do when you’re not looking.

They come in various shapes and sizes, but often compete to see which kind is superior. They have elaborate rules that keep changing. It may be about the color of their disturbingly smooth hides, or what territory they inhabit. It often involves collecting piles of green stuff.

They’re an invasive species and parasites. Fleshies infest the shiny armored organisms that run on paths between their hives and loudly honk at each other. When their hosts stop at feeding-stations and sleeping-lots, you can see them swarm out.

Some call them helpful pets who dispense food if you train them. But don’t bother them if you see them in the wild. They’re usually docile if left alone, but getting too close may result in sudden attacks to steal furry hugs.

Here’s some tips for what to do if they’re nearby:

  • Ones who show up at furry migration places can be hypnotized by dancing. EDM music helps.
  • Their young have especially grabby paws – look down low and protect yourself from being captured by the tail!
  • If you’re cornered by one that looks dangerous, try not to look scared. Stare them in the eyes and don’t blink.
  • If they bare their teeth at you and come closer, you might frighten them off with a dose of natural furry musk.
  • If one of them does hug you, don’t panic – it can be very soothing to them, and sometimes they even leave their savage ways to join the civilized furry world.

Fleshie populations are expanding around the world. Pest control solutions are currently mostly illegal, but they may neutralize themselves. They’re obsessed with collecting green things until their habitats deteriorate. They lock each other in zoos or behind walls instead of having healthy hives. They put so much effort into breeding their shiny, armored host creatures that those may develop immunity to live without them. If fleshies go extinct, furries may inherit the earth.

Of course they’re a crafty species with many powers of adaptation. In time they may gain true intelligence, and sharing the planet with them might bring a colorful and interesting future.

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